I know it’s not a real word – There’s a collection of “Barb-words” that I make up. I posted that one as a “Word of the Day” a week or so ago on my FaceBook.
It’s defined as: The pushing forward from something that’s held you back.
For the record – no one, or no thing holds me back but ME, MYSELF, AND I!
I have to stop those three bitz’s from getting in my way…
This has been on my mind so much, it seems I go three steps forward, and back-track two… I know WHY… I think I’ve (HONESTLY) gotten past ‘I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH…” but where I feel like I am is an anxious feeling. Let me es’plain…
I’ve said all along that Sweet Surrender wasn’t perfect (some of you have said the same thing, and it’s all good…). It was a trial run – ‘throw it out and see what happens’, those were Gene’s words to me when I was looking into getting 5 printed copies that I earned for FREE from participating in NaNoWriMo. ‘If you print 5 you may as well print 100’. And what happened was good, but in the process I’VE LEARNED SOOO MUCH. And that’s the anxious feeling.
I know, because I am a READER, that the second book in my Rock and Roll Trilogy (When I Look to the Sky) is “gooder” than Rock and Roll (it’s better than SS too). So with every word I type – every sentence I form – every story that comes to my mind – I GROW… I wrote Rock and Roll Never Forgets a LONG TIME AGO (2003 when I started), and it has evolved from OK, to better, to “gooder”, to where I am now.
I’m gonna go through it one more time – that’s it – once more. Because it overwhelms me to think about changing it – I don’t want to for one thing, I LOVE THE STORY. And some who have read the whole thing tell me they love it, and some who have only read the ‘tease’ at the end of SS say they can’t wait to see what comes next. BUT I SEE THINGS THAT I NEED TO ‘FIX”, so I will read through and ‘upgrade’, I’m not gonna over-haul. And if y’all hate it – it’s a chance I’ll take (MY CLIFF!) I don’t love every book I’ve read, so I don’t expect that everyone will love what I write. Gene said follow my gut, and one of my encouragers says over and over – “LET THEM SEE YOU GROW… let them read the book, and then the next and see how much better they get.”
I’ve been asked where I think all of this is going – I honestly don’t know. I am NOT a planner – I am a FLY-BY-THE-SEAT-OF-MY-PANTSTER. I don’t know if someday I see the NY Times best seller list – hell, I didn’t expect the Amazon Top 100 Free for the two days Sweet Surrender was there, but it got there… ‘Que sera sera’… I have voices in my head, a story in my heart, and I’m just gonna take a chance… I’m gonna write a story that someone might like… and if they don’t… there you go!
I love all y’all for taking a chance on me, for sharing my dream, for traveling my journey… each of you is a blessing to me…